Oh (S)no(w) You Didn’t!

Yet another crazy day outside my window

 

OK! Whoa there Mother Nature. Settle down tiger. Don’t get all ahead of yourself. It’s only October and you’re thunder-snowing, sleeting and freezing all over the gosh-darn place. What did we do to piss you off, huh? …Besides all that pollution, over population and global warming stuff. I just hope this isn’t a foreshadowing of things to come because:

One snow storm = Yay for a snow day!
Two snow storms = An inevitable acceptance that it is, in fact, wintertime.
Three snow storms = Come on, it’s getting a little out of hand.
Anymore than that, and you’re just a total bitch.

Three strikes and I’m moving to the equator. (Maybe.)

Apparently this kind of pre-Halloween snow made an appearance in 2002, but I just don’t remember. Not one bit. But I’ll tell you one thing: It better not become a habit, missy!

I understand that a lot of people actually enjoy the snow, so you have to turn over that little salt shaker every-once-in-a-while. But I don’t get it one bit. This particular event isn’t going to produce anything worth ‘playing’ in, so what’s the point? Though for me, the threat of snow only gives me the impetus to curl up in bed with some good/bad TV (but, admittedly, it doesn’t take much for me to want to do that anyway).

Maybe I’d feel differently about your ‘frosted flakes’ if the pretty powder didn’t turn into black mush within hours of finding their final resting place. It’s no longer a peaceful stroll when you have to trudge past waist-high mountains of muck just to cross the street. And once it does start to melt, the threat of wading ankle-deep in Coke-colored Slushie-like puddles looms at every cross walk. How fun is that, really?

Now, to reiterate. It’s only freaking October, lady. I want to be walking around in a hoodie on a crisp, sunny day, not piling on layers so I can fit into my goloshes that are one-size too big. I’m just not quite ready for all of this, like a surprise pregnancy or a rogue, airborne beer bottle finding its way across the crowd right to your head. (The latter has actually happened to me.)

But if you’re doing this to get it out of your system, oh (hopefully) benevolent Mother Nature, have at it and go nuts. It would be nice to have a mild winter this year, one where I can actually leave the house without tears streaming down my face from the bitter cold. Though I’m not optimistic.

So, what’s it going to be? I don’t think I can bear this sight much more. It’s not even daylight savings yet for Frosty’s sake!

The date says October, but I want to guess January

What’s your least favorite part about winter?

-xo

Thanks, But No Thanks

It’s been hot as balls on the East Coast lately, my little New York apartment has been a virtual broiler. Yes, I do have an air conditioner but it was probably made during the industrial revolution. It’s old, crusty, super dusty and it costs a fortune to run. I need a new one, but there’s that little problem called money… or I could beg my slumlord for one but that won’t happen anytime this summer. So I came up with a solution. Give my poor little fans, and my quickly growing electric bill, a break and head to my parent’s house for free air conditioning!

After I got home, sprawled out in some luxurious cool air, played with my nephew and got dinner with my mom (free food!), I sat down and got on my computer.

I got my first job application rejection email, three weeks after I applied.

“Thank you for your interest in (Company) – we always love to hear from our members! While you have some great experience, we have decided to move forward with other candidates.

Thanks again and we wish you the best!”

It actually came as a relief more than a disappointment because at least I heard something. After nearly three months of constantly applying to every kind of job that made sense, I finally heard a peep back. Who cares that it was a canned message, a negative response or a shot to the heart! They had the courtesy to not leave me hanging. I have since labeled this particular company as ‘classy’ and will continue to apply if other opportunities arise. At least I’ll be told they don’t want me.

I understand that jobs are few and far between and that companies are being bombarded with hundreds of applications daily (or weekly, I don’t know), but is it too much to ask for a simple copy-and-pasted email to bring us weary applicants some closure? Searching for a job is a very demoralizing process. Sending out a resume only to hear nothing back is equivalent to being left hanging when asking for a high-five. (Or that times a thousand, maybe). We appease you by writing some cheesy, self-loving, happy, ass-kissing cover letter (and sometimes answering tons of lame questions about how ‘awesome’ your company is) so why is it so hard to reciprocate just a little?

Who else is dealing with career woes? Share your pain here, it’s a safe place!

-xo

A Letter to a Dog Owner

Dear dude whose dog was running loose in the middle of a busy intersection this afternoon,

I didn’t have to stop to chase after him in the rain to check his collar, but I was afraid he would get hurt. So a tinge of gratitude would have been nice when you ran up yelling at me that, ‘he’s mine!’ ‘He does this all the time!’ I tried to explain that I was worried for his safety but you just looked right through me.

Maybe you should invest in a leash since ‘he does this all the time.’ It would greatly reduce your need to talk to well-meaning people. I hope you get hit by a car before your dog does.

Signed,

An obvious idiot who still tries to do nice things.

-xo

Walking In Sunshine

I’m exhausted. I’m way out of practice when it comes to this whole wondering-around-the-city-for-the-afternoon thing. I suppose I’ll just have to do it more! It’s a rough life. Today I decided to show spring how much I appreciated him/her (?) dropping by (totally read my letter) so I headed over to one of my favorite spots in the city for a stroll.

In the 80’s on the Upper East Side there is a huge public space along the East River that offers a park, playground, dog parks, basketball courts, about a million benches and a huge path to walk along. I enjoy it so much because sometimes it’s easy to forget that Manhattan is, in fact, surrounded by water (unless you’re stuck in traffic in the Lincoln Tunnel having a panic attack wondering just how sturdy those walls are). It also gives you great, unobstructed views of the sky (none of those pesky skyscrapers)!

Is that what a blue sky looks like?

I walk up and down the river watching the boats go by and enjoying the cool breeze. It’s amazing how quickly you can be transported to a completely serene part of the city in a matter of minutes. The river almost looks like more than just a dumping ground for dead bodies fitted with cement shoes.

Some trash enjoying a little swim

Then I check out the dog parks. There is one for small dogs and one for large dogs. I once saw a great dane at the park and couldn’t help but imagine this poor dog crunched in some tiny Manhattan closet apartment. Poor thing. Once I’ve had my fill of dangly doggy testicles I move on to the small dog park to watch those yippy little guys at play.

Hes had enough

I hung out at the river for only about an hour because in my attempt to not carry a purse I filled my pockets with my phone, camera, iPod and money (I looked like a had extra wide birthing hips). I totally forgot that I might want a book once I got to my destination (I’m a dumbass). I can only sit on a bench staring at the sky for so long.

Hey view, youre totally beautiful but Im way too ADD to sit there and stare at you for more than a couple minutes

So, I slowly make my way back the way I came totally tired from my first real big aimless stroll of spring. (I remember when I was younger walking about 90 blocks in an afternoon and only suffering from blisters and a little too much sweat). I’m getting old. Do they have training sessions for random springtime walks? Because I need it.

Back in the concrete jungle a nice little sign of the season catches my eye.

You look so lonely! I hope your buddies join you soon.

It’s happening guys! The season of long walks in the sun, eating outside, drinks on the deck, sunglasses and pit stains. Enjoy it while it lasts!

-xo

Basking in the Glow of Being Freshly Pressed

 

What a difference a day makes

Looks like my letter worked! And with the help of getting pressed pushing my letter into the forefront, spring had nowhere to hide. We did it people!

Color me surprised yesterday afternoon. I woke up in the morning to goosebump-covered arms and a foggy cityscape so I made a little plea for spring. I was just minding my own business, looking for jobs (ugh) when my inbox began to expand. After about an hour of trying to keep up I reminded myself that I actually had chores to do (yes, yes even us ‘pressed’ people have to clean) and had to tear myself away from my computer, even though it was just so tempting to stay and watch it all happen live. (I’m very easily distracted!)

I’m glad to hear that I’m in such good spring-awaiting company and thank you for completely distracting me from my job search (again, ugh)!

Now off to enjoy the beautiful weather with a little walk around the city accompanied by my good friends iPod and camera. Get off your butts and do it too! (If you have the opportunity).

High fives all around!

The heat is on.

-xo

An Open Letter to Spring

 

Spring?

The view out my window this morning

 

Dear Spring,

I feel duped every year. The middle of March rolls around and I start gearing up for some lovely, sun drenched weather. I get itchy, anxious, almost certifiable gearing up to end my intense winter hibernation… but you never show up. Eventually you’ll breeze by for one glorious day (one that I am undoubtedly stuck inside for one reason or another) then leave in your place your gloomy, rainy, horribly depressed little brother who ends up sticking around like an oblivious houseguest. It is now the middle of April and you’ve made an appearance once this month.

My rational mind knows that this is typical. In recent memory you do tend to make us wait as long as possible to make your appearance, like you can’t hear how loud we’re cheering for you from behind the curtain. But you have to understand that the idea of spring evokes many strong emotions such as love, happiness, good will towards others and nostalgia. I always become filled up with memories of running around outside as a child only days after the first thaw and now I’m beginning to think they were all dreams. Why do you toy with us so? Why do you wait so long to show up? We really do want you here.

Spring, please consider my plea. I know I’m not alone. Come hang out with us and see how happy we become. I am also extending an invitation for you to over stay your welcome (I like you better than summer, you’re easier to clean up after).

Much love and warm, sunny wishes,

Lisa Lisa

-xo