My Calendar is Always Full But Blank

I’m still home. The black hole that is Philadelphia always swallows me up. I think I’m only going to visit for a week when a thousand events pop up.

Your nephew this, are you still going to be here?

Family event that. You’re not going back until after, right?

I’m a sucker for a good time. And how can I say no? I don’t have a job waiting for me in New York, so what’s my excuse? ‘Sorry, I have to go back to sit around while you guys have fun!’ It’s a lot easier to decline invites when I’m already out-of-town. Mostly because New York, then, has eaten up all my attention. I think I’ve mentioned before that I can’t say ‘no’.

It doesn’t surprise me, I’m easily distracted. On top of that, I’ve kind of led a nomadic lifestyle throughout a lot of my life. All the way from spending every other weekend with my dad, to spending at least half my time with my boyfriend (who lived on the other end of the turnpike) in my late teens, to spending as much time as I could with my best friend while she was in college in New York (and I wasn’t yet), to visiting home every college break and all summer once I moved, to picking up and moving to Hong Kong for a year then coming back to no job (and lots of time on my hands). I’m never completely settled and actually, I like having options. It merges well with my hatred for making plans. Not because I’m waiting for something better to pop up, but because knowing I have a calendar full of obligations drives me to insanity. It incites a need for me to rock in the fetal position until it’s all over.

Yesterday I went to my dad’s for dinner. My sister and I were chatting with my step-mother while she was slaving over dinner (she’s an awesome cook so we don’t want to get involved and ruin anything). She asked us if we would be around the 25th for my niece’s high school graduation party.

Me: Of May?

Step-Mother: June

Me: June? I have no idea what I’m doing tomorrow!

Step-Mother: Well, let me know.

Me: I’ll figure it out eventually. (Like the middle of June).

I hope they don’t expect me to RSVP in time. That stresses me out too.

-xo